Greyindarkness.

Why a sadist?

Using the word sadist is the easiest way for me to express what I fancy is an alternative lifestyle with roots in the SM and fetich community.

In what way am I a sadist?

Being a sadist signifies to other community members that I am dominant in my sexuality and that I like to inflict pain on a masochist. Of course there is much more to my personality than just being a sexually dominant person who likes to inflict pain on others but by connecting with the label  sadist, I choose side and become the match for the complementary person – a masochist.

I am a calm person, I can cry, I can feel love and I can feel sorrow. I do not want to offend anybody with my lifestyle and I can only play my games of passion with persons who are adult,  sane and consenting to these activities.

What does the alternative BDSM lifestyle mean to me?

The alternative lifestyle is the dark contrast to the ordinary clerk-like image that I have (or used to have) working at the office. The dark side means everything to me and my life could not go on without it.

Since my teenage years I have been very interested in sex and especially avant-garde sex. Besides infrequent visits to dirty porn cinemas in Copenhagen my life from a young man and into the late thirties passed without my experiencing serious SM activities.

It changed one day when I approached my wife, who loved me enough to follow me on a odyssey into the dark universe. Sadly I lost my love to her along the way on our journey, partly because our views on BDSM began to differ. It was always more important to me than to her.

Recently I took the consequences and decided to divorce my wife after twenty six years. I am now in the process of moving on alone, looking for new adventures and maybe a new love in my life – the woman of my dreams, the submissive and masochistic woman who will love me the way I am.

The other side

I am also an intellectual person, a scientist with a scientist’s passion for wondering about how everything in the universe is connected. I am a scientist of the traditional school. I therefore believe in the scientific method based on empirical data, hypothesis testing and reasoning.

Questioning the existing is a central issue for a scientist and maybe that is why I always must question the way I live my own life, to challenge my self and to follow whichever road that might lead me to new knowledge about my self and my innermost desires.

Freedom

I am a liberal person.

I believe in freedom for every individual, in free speech, in human rights, in the right to choose your own sexuality without being harassed.

I love diversity and I will fight for the right to be different.

The Greyindarkness blog

Along the path that led me to the decision of divorce, I initiated a Danish weblog “Grey’s dark universe”. The blog is still active (and in the Danish language). I blog my everyday thoughts and I blog about my sexual adventures. My blogs are sometimes provocative because I blog  thoughts that most people have but often suppress in relation to both themselves and others.

The inspiration for the name Grey came from Steven Shainberg’s movie The secretary which for various reasons is a movie that means a lot to me.

Greyindarkness was created as an English counterpart to my Danish weblog. The two blogs are meant to be very different – exactly how that will unfold, I am not yet  so sure about.

Greyindarkness is an ambiguous alias, interpret it as you like.

Venus in furs

My Gravatar image has followed me since I began my Danish weblog in 2007. The inspiration came from reading the novel Venus in furs by the Austrian author Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, who’s last name is the origin of the term masochism.

The novel is about a young man Severin von Kusiemski who unfolds his masochism in a love affair to a woman Wanda von Dunajew. His obsession with this woman is initiated by a dream where he speaks to Venus while she is wearing furs. The inspiration for this dream comes to Severin from the Titian renaissance painting Venus with a mirror.

Being a sadist, I somewhat envy the masochists because they have one word which describes both their desire to feel pain and at the same time their desire to submit to other persons desires.

I acknowledge that the word submissive is also used in the BDSM community to stress a persons submissive character, however, I will argue that the term masochism on its own is sufficient to also cover submissivity.

This is different for the term sadism which strictly speaking only deals with the desire to inflict pain in order to reach sexual arousal. To me and to other sadists the term sadism does not suffice to describe our feelings because we also hold a desire to dominate and often humiliate our partner.

It is in respect for the completeness of  term masochism that I have chosen venus in furs as my gravatar image.

July, 2009